Posted by: soulvoyager | July 29, 2010

Storytime! My Recovery Journey (Part I)

It’s storytime this week, my dear ones. I will doing a journaling exercise on recovery. I got the idea from Eating Disorders Blogs: Your Write to Health:

What image helps you to view recovery?

So here goes… Hang on tight for the ride!

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To me, becoming an eating disordered individual is like venturing into a forest. At the beginning, I was merely playing at the fringes, frolicking among the bright, yellow roses under the overarching canopy of the sky.

Then I sensed the allure of the dark woods beckoning to me. I thought to myself, “It’s still bright and sunny now. I’ve got plenty of time. I’ll just go in, see what’s there, and return just before dinner. Plain and simple. Nothing to worry about.” So I stepped confidently inside, fully assured that I would be out in no time. I was fascinated by my new surroundings. It wasn’t pretty and quite a few times, I glanced back at the home that I had left behind some distance away. But I thought about all the nasty things that was going on outside. Suddenly, the woods seemed to be like a nice, warm cocoon. I felt safe and glad to be away. So I ventured deeper and deeper, wondering what I would find along my way. Before I knew it, night fell. I began to feel afraid. The sinewy tree trunks that were once tall and protective morphed into shapeless phantoms trying to throttle me by the neck. I hacked my way through the trapping weeds and overhanging branches. My knees bled as nettles brushed against my delicate skin. I was tired and hungry. But the fear in my gut was my fuel. The all-consuming thought pounding in my brain was “Home! Home! I want to go home!”

I spot a light ahead of me. Moving cautiously forward, I squinted my eyes to see where it came from. Like a castle rising magically from the sea, the light gradually took the form of a delightful candy cottage, just like the one in Hansel and Gretel. Hope filled my weary heart. My aching legs leaped towards it with an energy I never knew I had. The chocolates, sweets, and ginger bread that were once dangling on the walls of the cottage soon disappeared into a cavernous void that was my stomach. To my surprise, they simply grew back on the walls again. Puzzled but too overcome by hunger to think any further, I gulped them down ravenously, one by one, never wanting to stop.

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Finally sated, I opened the door and let myself in. The cottage was filled with mirrors.


I heard soft murmurs issuing from inside. As if in a trance, I chanted along with them, “mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of us all? Who is the fairest of us all?” Then, I reeled back in horror as they spat out the names of every person that I knew. Everyone but me. I was NOT the fairest among all? NO!!! I turned to run away, but suddenly, the soft murmurs dissipated and gave way to a loud, grating cackle. I spun around and saw her – the witch – right there in the mirror, as hideous and horrible-looking as a witch could be.

I wanted to escape, but she leaped out of the mirror, stretched out her slimy, grotesque arms and caught me. I wanted to scream, but no sound came out. She reached down into my mouth and wiggled her fingers in my throat. It was painful and uncomfortable and it was hurting me. I tried to bite her, not understanding what she was trying to do. After a big tussle, she finally withdrew her hand. I felt nauseous and disgusted as the gooey muck dripped from her razor-like nails unto my tongue. Then I saw it – a brilliant, round pearl gleaming in her hand. It looked beautiful like a precious gem. I wanted to take it from her, but she closed her palm and shoved me to the side. I seized the chance to dart away as quickly as my legs could carry me. I ran, on and on, till I could run no more. Traumatized, terrified, and feeling downright battered, I sat down and wept. Tears streamed down my face and unto my blood-stained knees. I sobbed and sobbed. Suddenly, I realized that my sobbing had no sound. The witch had taken my voice away…

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We will leave poor Valerie for now. Stay tuned for the next installment!

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Responses

  1. oh wow, valerie. that is amazing. the imagery is amazing and, just wow!


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